Thought of the week…

It’s not as hard as you think! Taking the time to chat to an eldery neighbour, bringing someone else’s bins in, being courteous in traffic (ok that one’s hard!), making a little more to share when cooking, sharing your umbrella, not shying away from complimenting someone, babysitting for friends who need time out, writing an encouraging letter, speaking positive words into someone, cropping unflattering pictures of your friends out of photos before posting them on facebook (haha!), using your spare time to help out where you can, etc…

The other day I saw a swag of birds gathered on overhead electric wires. It was an Aha! Moment! (thanks Oprah!) To me those twenty-something birds all perched along the wires, were a snapshot of togetherness, community! Birds of a feather flock together and it is just as true with humans. 

Community has always resonated with me – it’s expression across the world, the way it is embraced through cultures throughout history. Community is small and intimate, yet gigantic and all-compassing. 

I can still hear the words of my social science teacher in high school “family and community are the nucleus of society”.

When a large piece of fabric begins to fray at the edges, you see the many thin individual threads that make up that one large piece of material – so it is with community – a large tapestry of individuals, families, joined together and belonging as one whole. It is a powerful thing to go from “me” to “we”.
 
One of the greatest gifts my parents have given me is an awareness of community, even at a global level. In the 70’s they were young pioneer missionaries from Australia to the remote pockets in the Eastern Highlands of Papua New Guinea. My Mom worked as a nurse and teacher on the mission, while my Dad built houses and churches. I was born in Goroka and spent my early years growing up in primitive surroundings. My world was a unique fusion of Western missionary folk and the majority were Native village dwellers who had the whitest teeth and brightest eyes when they smiled.

The cultures we encountered were raw, jungle book stories! We shared the same love for baked sweet potato cooked in the ground under flames, rocks and banana tree leaves. But that village became our home, and the natives our family. We all shared the same mountainside, the same soil, the same rain water, we all laughed the same, we walked the same dusty roads into town to buy and sell at the markets. We were diverse, yet we were community.

Community is not sharing the same skin colour. Although it can be that, it is far more. Community is a many a splendid thing. The smallest day to day connections and encounters between humankind. It is organic, and stems from grass-root commonalities; it is valuing yourself and others; understanding life in someone else’s shoes; a commitment to forge togetherness and acceptance; sharing the load of our basic needs for water, food, shelter, safety, language, acceptance and belonging; beliefs for the common good of others. People don’t have to look the same to exist and build community. Community is one heart connected to many hearts.

For a time, I lived and worked in Japan. The day I arrived in Tokyo, I was jolted by the population, the surge of people everywhere. In my first letter I wrote home to my family, I said “it feels like I am at the Sydney Olympics everyday, throngs of people on the trains, crossing city streets. I have never seen this many people, en masse, it is insane”. Yet over the weeks and months I discovered, buried in the rush and over-crowded city, pockets of community…groups of people who connected to bring their worlds into some meaningful intimacy and togetherness. It is impossible to be friends with 20 million people, but to connect with 200 people, over time, is very possible and rather wonderful as our lives strengthen and deepen when our personal story merges into a larger story.

We do ourselves a disservice if we live unto ourselves in an attempt to resist the tug and demands of community. Let your arms open to a greater sense of community…the world will hug you back! If you are reading this article on a website, then it is a given that you are already open to the internet community and the incredible connection it brings to our lives.

Let’s get in the mix! Introduce yourself to your neighbor next door. Say G’day to the person waiting in the line at the grocery store. Smile and look into people’s eyes when you talk to them. Appreciate the differences you see in others. Join in the chorus and sing the national anthem with gusto with your fellow countrymen. Wear the colours to support your local football club. Say a prayer for the unknown victims who suffer from war and strife in other not-so-lucky countries. Adopt a sponsor child from an undeveloped nation. We can’t do everything, but we must do something. 

The sense of camaraderie is one of the most spectacular by-products of community, and the beauty of it is, it can be felt with our family, friends and even with perfect strangers. I like to think that strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet! Howard Thurman wrote these knowing words… “Community cannot for long feed on itself; it can only flourish with the coming of others from beyond, their unknown and undiscovered brothers.“

The greatest word I know that encapsulates the essence of community is the Greek word “agape” -which refers to the human manifestation of God’s pure love, or the intentional and unconditional love for others – including your enemies.

Rochelle.

I love the ‘pay it forward’ concept and really experienced it for the first time when I was living in Kelowna BC.

One evening at a women’s event, I met an inspirational speaker named Crystal Flaman. Her life experiences ranged from doing triathlons, to renovating a ramshackle old house on it’s last legs into a beautiful home for international travelers to enjoy, to becoming an inspirational public speaker. But although she had many inspiring experiences under her belt, her real charm was that she was a truly kind and giving person.

Crystal had made cards she called ‘Imagine the Ripple Effect’ cards that she carried around and gave to people when she did spontaneous acts of kindness. She gave me a small stack of cards that I now carry around in my wallet and use whenever an occasion arises.

The first time I used a Imagine the Ripple Effect card, I was driving from Kelowna to Vancouver. When I opened my wallet at the toll booth to pay, I saw a card sticking out and decided to pay for the person behind me as well. It felt great.

The second time I was standing in line at the local health food store and suddenly decided to pay for the woman behind me. At first it was a little uncomfortable for her because she didn’t know why I was paying for her. Perhaps she thought I was trying to pick her up? Maybe she thought I had mistaken her for someone I knew?

In any case, once I handed her the card and briefly explained what it was, she relaxed. I also suggested that if she felt so inclined, she could pay it forward to someone else in the community it the future.

In the small town where I live, it is more common for strangers to be nice to each other because you never know who knows you. But in big cities especially, people assume you are either weird or want something if you randomly do something nice, which is really a shame because the sense of community lessens.

In order to bring community together, there needs to be more awareness for treating the people around us like family, even if they are strangers. It’s important to have that ’small town’ attitude of caring so that our children learn what community is really all about.

Rebecca.

Above all else, I wish for my boys to grow up to be men of good character.

The reason I want this for them is because it is only people of good character who will ever have a positive influence on the communities in which they exist.

Harry J Grant, the famous American Editor and Social Commentator said:

“It takes a long time to educate a community and it can’t be done by spellbinders, moneybags, hypnotizers, magicians or Aladdin’s lamp. Character is what matters.”

I could not agree more. Harry hit the nail on the head.

It is only people’s characters that reflects the make up, nature and soul of any community.

And it is our responsibility as parents to make sure the community in this generation and the next is a place where all people are cared for – no matter what their circumstance.

If we as parents are teaching our children to be people of good character, this will be reflected in the community at large. This is obvious to see – in any country.

Communities with crime and violence built into their children become dangerous places to be. It flows out of the household and changes the entire DNA of a community.

This is why it is so important to me that my boys grow to be men of the highest character. The same way crime and violence can change the DNA of a community, so can love and kindness. And despite what the world often portrays, love and kindness are far more powerful than violence and hate.

Parents, it is up to us to teach our children to be people of good character. We cannot complain about the degradation or decline of the community in which we live without first assuring that our kids are people of the highest character and are inputting back into that community.

Teach them character in the home and get them active in the community – even from a young age. There are plenty of places in any given community where they can volunteer, from youth centres to soup kitchens, local churches and charity organisations.

Instilling the value of community in your child’s heart and mind as they grow can only have a positive impact in their chosen worlds. It is up to us as parents to work towards the goal of a strong and safe community.

Brendan.

Thought of the week…

Here is a quote by John Wesley that often reminds me to live beyond myself:

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

My week provided a couple of days off. Rather than indulge in lazy days of nothing (and laundry), the opportunity arose to help a friend in need who is moving house. To me, lending a hand was not a big deal, but to my friend, it altered her day incredibly. Look around you and see where you can practice random acts of kindness…it can only enhance your week.

The girls at thefamilyroom have been somewhat quiet in the last week or so due to school holidays.

This is a time when we revel in the company of our young charges amid a whirlwind of sleepovers, treasure hunts, movies, bike rides, visits from relatives, sleep ins, a break from routine, craft, road trips, dress ups, camping, tree climbing, baking treats, playing make believe, picnics and the like.

We will return very soon with more articles, recipes and inspiration to get your teeth into.

In the meantime, don’t forget to listen in to Real Life with Susan & Friends and join the conversation.

Enjoy your holidays!

thefamilyroom wishes all Canadians a brilliant day of patriotic celebration!

Thought of the week…

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. {Henry Van Dyke}

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. {Emily Dickinson}

Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth. {Martin H. Fischer}

If you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move. {Katharine Hepburn}

Now that it’s all over, what did you really do yesterday that’s worth mentioning? {Coleman Cox}

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. {Unknown}

People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy. {Anton Chekhov}

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: “I am with you kid. Let’s go.” {Maya Angelou}

Your life lies before you like a path of driven snow, be careful how you tread it cause every step will show. {Lowri Williams}

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. {Albert Einstein}

Think of all the beauty thats still left in and around you and be happy! {Anne Frank}

“I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.”

You know those moments, when something flicks your switch, you feel fully alive, you momentarily forget you are a grown-up, you throw your head back and start laughing hysterically, you fall asleep smiling because you feel incredibly blessed, you dive into a breaking wave in the ocean! It is these moments of glee, without-a-second-thought, on any given day… we, put simply, are Celebrating The Everyday! And when it happens, it reminds us that we have ’still got it’ -got what? That spark, that passion, the joy, the shine, we have each other, life is wonderous…. let’s say it’s like ‘magic’.

Life is full, and let’s admit, what happens the majority of the time is not so ‘magic’. Morning breath, rush hour, longs days at the office, raising kids, forgotten library bags, running errands, shopping lists, bad-hair days, walking the dog, scrubbing the floor, baskets of ironing, balancing the cheque book. Leading our preoccupied, predictable lives, and somewhere in all the day-after-dayness we can forget to even notice the ‘magic’ has dissappeared.

We all want to live with a touch of magic dont we? I sure do! I believe the magic is often more simple and real than we figure. It is not what the media portrays or what the unatainable images in the glossy magazines reflect. Rather it is choosing to find, to share, to engage, to create and embrace moments of magic in the middle of everyday life! Let’s not miss it!

Five little ways to bring some magic into everyday life….c’mon let the fun in and capture the specialness with me:

1. Remain a student. Love to learn. Don’t graduate from being goofy, ever. Like I did, take a yoga class or salsa dance class. Go on, get awkward, take yourself somewhere out of your comfort zone! Stretch some muscles, laugh out loud while doing it, this could be some kind of wonderful you forgot you could have, it was for me! Fitness and movement and adventure is fun and exhilarating. Take a ‘leap of faith’ and drag your family and friends along with you! Learn a new recipe, plant a herb garden. Take your children indoor rock climbing, fishing, go-carting. Commit to learning new things, trying new things. Do you order the same dish when you go to a restaurant, deviate from your usual modus operandi. You don’t have to always do what you have always done. Give yourself and others permission to grow and learn. Celebrate new things, new tastes, new adventures and new experiences everyday.

2. Life’s not a crystal glass of Veuve Clicquot everyday! But why not whip out those special linen napkins, the special china dinner set that you have safely packed away. Don’t save things in pristine glory. Too often we save things only for ’special occasions’ but why not decorate your ordinary days with a little bit a magic. Because sometimes ‘later’ becomes ‘never’. I dare you, use your good china tea set, and do it as often as possible. Set the table for meal time with a little extra thought, pick a fresh flower from the garden, make mealtime inviting for your family and friends. It might just create some magic. For me, I never save my special bottles of perfume for the odd date or special nights out, on purpose I use them every day!

3. Spread the love. Lightening the burden for someone else is the most rewarding thing you or I could ever do. I have discovered that volunteering is the biggest heart-swell, warm-fuzzy thing I can do. And it isn’t hard. It just takes a little extra thought and a little practice, and before long you can reach beyond your own life and share some of that magic. Give away a basket of groceries, cook an extra meal, hold someone’s hand, donate clothes to the charity store, buy a box of cookies from the kids fundraising in your neighbourhood, water someone’s garden, sit and listen to an elderly person tell their story. It is by spending oneself, you become rich. Volunteering can be some kind of magic too. I recall the words of Booker T. Washington “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”

4. Grow gratitude. Journalling is something I love to do, the exercise of putting feelings into words is magic for me. I like writing my gratitude lists and writing out my prayers, and thankfully God can read my handwriting! But journaling can often be intimidating and all too time consuming. But why not introduce ‘deliberate conversations’ with your children and loved ones. Maybe once a week or at quiet times, like bedtime… take the moment to prompt the question “What are you grateful for?” or ask yourself like I do, “What am I grateful for today?” …whatever it might be. Chose to be thankful and celebrate the wins, to notice the postive things, to say them out loud, it will do your heart some good! You will see the magic in each other’s eyes.

5. Be Serious about fun. Be intentional about fun stuff, plan it, prioritise it. Most games are online on the computer, but I love the tradition of games nights! Old fashion fun around the table with a pack of UNO cards, Balderdash, Monopoly, Scrabble, Billionaire, preferably anything that is rowdy and boisterous. One of our fun family traditions, is watching the dvd ‘National Lampoons Christmas Vacation” ..we quote lines from that movie all year round. Laughing together somehow quietly ties little strings that connect our hearts. Goofing around is wonderful and laughter is like medicine. Smiles glowing on friend’s faces is one of the most beautiful sights in the world. Togetherness and laughter, bring those two elements together and you have magic. Even more magic when you have great snacks on the table along with!

So don’t lose the magic in the grind of daily life. Surely it is the magic moments we all remember and cherish and replay in our memories forever. Maybe you have long given up on the magic in life, or with your family or in your business? I have been there and felt that same ‘hemmed in’ feeling. But with a few conscious decisions, to let the fun in, everyday and suddenly you will feel free as a bird again, you can get a glimpse of the magic once more, and before long people are asking you “Why are you so cheery?”.

In Los Angeles where I live, the month of June in California the weather each day starts of hazy and overcast. The locals call it “June gloom” …I guess life’s like that, it is was you call it! Instead I like to say “its just cloudy with a chance of wonderful.”

Friends, may you feel the magic, chase the ice cream truck, share in rip-roaring laughter, embrace gratitude, set the table with the special silverware, hug your loved ones a little tighter and longer just because its magic, it really is. And in the beautiful words of Maya Angelou “Love life, engage in it, give it all you’ve got. Love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.”

Carpe diem!