I was told long ago that we could pretty much count on a few sets of hands the big events in our lives. That being birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. They are mostly great, noteworthy and cause enough to celebrate with everyone in our world.

To get to these places however, is a culmination of the effort, focus and value placed on the everyday, the mundane and the usual.

Taking time to find the silver lining in the everyday is, for me, sometimes a challenge…especially as a working, single mother. Yet if I actually stop and glance around at my life, there is much to celebrate and be grateful for.

With a daughter who lives in a dream world much of the time and speaks the love language of time, I am constantly reminded to stop & listen, stop & giggle, stop & embrace and stop & celebrate the little things with her.

Here is a list to get you started on celebrating the everyday. They may seem juvenile, even silly, but injecting a little fun and frivolity into the small moments in a busy day can be just what you and your family need.

Strum a guitar
Light some candles
Break out the hula-hoop
Go for a drive or walk after dinner
Play hide and seek
Turn off the TV
Paint your nails
Get the camera out – capture some memories
Dance
Play loud music
Speak in an accent for the evening – we like to speak Jamie Oliver!
Tell jokes around the table
Buy some flowers
Wear red shoes
Eat from your best china
Have a slumber party in the lounge room
Grab a globe/open an atlas and dream out loud
Bake something
Have a bubble bath
Journal your gratitude
Write a love letter
Read a love letter
Play bingo
Light your fireplace
Phone an old friend
Put up fairy lights
Look through family albums
Read your favourite children’s book
Hug
Hand write a letter
Get dressed up for dinner
Colour code your bookshelf
Write in chalk paint on your windows
Drink from a silly straw
Wear stripy socks
Watch the sunrise
Watch the sunset

Enjoy!

Over the years I have watched most of my single girlfriends attend dinner parties rather than throw them. I have differed because the hostess in me can’t be held down, yet watching the hostess in many of my girlfriends lay low seems so unnecessary.

So just before you decide that couples have cornered the market on the humble dinner party, think again!

In Australia the weather is becoming cooler by the day and the smell of open fireplaces wafting  from cosy homes is in the air…this alone beckons soups, casseroles, friends and a drink or two. 

Whether you find yourself inexperienced in the world of entertaining, fearful of opening your ‘my decorator is out of town’ house or you just need to boost your shindigs, read on.

I have listed a few stellar ideas for the winter season (and the summer for our Northern readers) that will have your friends and family knocking on your door a little more…yet, if that’s what you’re afraid of, just skip this article!

Decide that you are not an ‘attendee’ of life, yet you are the girl that makes it happen. So dust of your barbeque, dig up that fondue set you’ve never used, get out your address book and get going!

Before we get started, always set a budget for each night, and DO NOT deviate. You will have a much better time at each event, knowing that you can put petrol in the car for the next month rather than watching your guests drool over the unnecessary Villeroy & Boch crystal goblets you just ‘had to have’.

Tips
• Flora – For those experiencing warm weather, the beauty of summer is that nature does most of the decorating for you. If you have a great garden or courtyard, decide to have dinner alfresco. If not, grab a big bunch of your favourite flowers to display inside. For a winter display, my personal favourite is bare branches in a tall vase. You can leave the base empty or fill it with dirt, stones, etc. Mine is filled with old champagne corks and a few tiny glittered sparrows attached which looks amazing.

• Décor – Don’t ever panic that the chairs or plates don’t match. Just give your party an eclectic theme. If you have a collection of old plates, give everyone a different one. If you are cooking a winter stew, don’t stress about matching serving dishes either…just place your pot of treasure in the centre the table as is.

• Lighting – I am a BIG fan of fairy lights. Use them whenever you can, don’t follow the unwritten rule that December is the only time they can shine! If you prefer tea lights and have no tea light holders, use old glasses, teacups or saucers. On their own, they may look odd, but huddled together in the centre of the table makes a gorgeous glow.

• Drinks – Invest into a drinks tub. My parents always use their laundry tub, but if you haven’t had time to do the laundry, you will need an alternative. Throw in a few bags of ice and you’re set.

• Music – Make a compilation that will last throughout the evening. I am personally grateful for my iPod…the days of excusing yourself to change discs a hundred times are over.

• Food – Keep reading THE FAMILY ROOM blogsite for year round recipes that are affordable and oh so easy. When your friends offer to bring something, allow them to. Drinks, cheese platers and desserts are suitable.

• Dress – Whatever you feel great and comfortable in, wear! Take time and make an effort, you are so worth it! That goes for your home as well. Tidy up and let some fresh air in before the night. For cold nights get a fire going. No fireplace? Stress not. Grab a small firepit from Bunnings and turn your backyard into something special.

• You – Don’t forget that the primary reason people are visiting your home is for you. Yes spend time on making the experience great for them, but don’t forget to shine. Hop out of the kitchen and sit and chat with everyone. Have fun!

Enjoy!

Michaela.

For years I’ve wondered why dinner sets, cutlery sets, wine glasses, etc are purchased in equal numbers. Yes, I am aware that you will have guests from time to time and many families are made up of 2, 4, 6 and sometimes 8! Yet to me, packaged in equal sets suggests that it would be odd to have an uneven number of people at your table.

I have always believed that a dinner set of 5 or 7 on the market would be perfect for the thousands of ‘singletons’ that enjoy a ripper of a dinner party…just a thought.

A scene I find myself in often is the humble dinner party. A scene often made up of couples and a token singleton…ahem…that would be me.

Take Bridget Jones for example…at a dinner party she was the only singleton at a table brimming with couples. For those who are happily ‘coupled’ stay with me…this is not an attack, rather an observation.

It is not a case of us singletons unable to hold our own in a couples arena with intelligent conversation, witty humour and an equal interest in gastronomic ventures. It is a case of blindingly obvious differences highlighted in our romantic dispositions when we’re seated at the end of the table with an odd chair. It doesn’t help when it’s a hot pink plastic study chair dragged from the one of the kid’s bedrooms. Petty you think? Me too. Again, this is just an observation.

Yet for our dear Bridget, to add insult to injury, a Spanish inquisition begins regarding her love life and the need to hurry up and find a bloke…oh and wait for it…not to be so picky. If she hadn’t felt single before the entree had appeared, she does now. For her group of friends, it seems that her singleness is something they need ‘fixed’. And she had better make it snappy because heaven help her if her eggs die before the conversation does. It appears that her singleness is an uncomfortable problem for all but Bridget. She is single, not ill. No need for repair, diagnosis or solutions unless requested. It would have been a different story if she had opened the conversation on her supposed dilemma.

Believe it or not, I have been told on many occasions to hurry up and get a bloke of my own so ‘hubby’ has a someone to talk to throughout dinner. If the need is that pressing, I’m sure ‘hubby’ is able to phone a friend. Odd numbers at a table is never something to fear. Having singletons present at your table won’t put a spanner in the works or heaven forbid mess with your table setting. Fear not the singleton at your table…we are not afraid of you and yours.

The title of this article could be read as contradiction in terms…yet just as it is possible to be happy and single, it is also possible to be happy, single and a mum…it’s all about perspective.

With Mother’s Day in the forefront of my mind this week, I have been thinking about mothers that have inspired me to be a better one.

Years ago, I was watching an Oprah episode where a woman was bravely sharing her story of perspective and single motherhood. She was at the end of her rope raising two daughters. Her hope had been torn to shreds and thoughts of suicide were whispering to her throughout her lonely nights.

One evening she was distracted and had burned dinner. Her young daughter had walked in to the kitchen to find her sobbing over the ruined meal. Having been there myself, I was all ears to know what happened next.

Her daughter instinctively wanted to comfort her mother. She picked up the saucepan, spooned out the burnt bits, looked up to her mum, and said, “It’s not all burnt mummy.” These words stopped the mum in her tracks. Obviously, the child was referring only to the food, but these words swept into the saddest parts of the mum’s heart and mind like balm. IT’S NOT ALL BURNT. She had realised for the first time in years she was not completely defeated. She had realised there were things in her life that could be salvaged…that were worth salvaging…that were worth the fight.

That was her tipping point. Her eyes were opened and she was determined to wipe her eyes, stand up straight, make some changes and see beyond her heartache…her girls were depending on it.

Thinking back to her interview always puts things into perspective for me when life as a single mum is just too hard. As a single parent, even in the midst of tough times, I have found there IS always a reason to be happy and a reason to keep keeping on.

You might not get a gift. You might not get breakfast in bed. You might not get dinner out. You might not even get a card. Yet be encouraged this Sunday morning. You deserve to be happy and spoil yourself. Pour a glass of wine, have a bubble bath, watch a great movie, play your favourite music full ball, light a sparkler, get a pedicure or invite some friends over. Do whatever it takes because you are worth it all.

Michaela.

Hi! For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Beck, Michaela’s flatmate, a 26-year-old single girl living in the gorgeous city of Melbourne.

I have moved many times in the last few years. Growing up in a small country town with high unemployment and no option for further study, I had no choice but to leave my family and move to the city. Starting out in a new city without your family can be daunting, yet taking this step has been one of the best decisions I have made to date.

The journey has not been without hiccups – or the odd teary phone call home to Mum – or, at times, just feeling completely alone, vulnerable and almost exposed.

Moving from a sleepy town to the big smoke, I have not only learnt MUCH about me, but also about what ‘family’ looks like.

As the new girl in town, it was tempting to hatch grand plans to reinvent myself. Not that I wasn’t comfortable in who I was, but I’d hoped to be more outgoing, more carefree or more of the girl I thought I should be. Fear of rejection and trying to be someone different played on my mind. But one lesson I learned was that wherever I roamed, the real me followed … there was no escape. So I accepted what I needed to accept and changed what I needed to change.

Within the first two weeks of moving to Melbourne, I had found work, yet socially I was only just finding my feet. Meeting people through work allowed me to build a network of new friendships.

Friends who I had cliqued with in the first few months suggested we head out for a drink after work. What started out as a casual drink soon became dinners that our small circle wouldn’t think of missing. This was a time for catching up, debriefing and real connection. Dinner served as a platform for friendships to develop. Friendships that are now irreplaceable.

It didn’t happen overnight though, it took time and effort. It meant re-telling my stories, sharing life experiences and offering my opinions to fresh ears. Not all who have dined with us have been kindred spirits or, in the words of the Grey’s Anatomy cast, ‘my people’, but you have to be open and start somewhere. I have been fortunate to find amazing people that I now call ‘family’. Family does not always fit the box of sharing the same surname, blood type or address.

One of my friends is my Mum’s age, not that she acts it! Having her in my life is not so much a replacement, but a reminder of home and a safe haven for those heart-to-heart talks that we girls love. Another is my brother’s age and has become a constant in my life … a man I can depend on. Another friend is like my sister – someone who accepts you completely but will still tell you if you’ve got lipstick on your teeth.

Two years have passed since those early days, and although some of us have moved on from a job that was once the only element that tied us together, we have remained each other’s ‘people’. We meet up at a restaurant once a month and have our version of Family Night. It is not the only time we see each other, but Family Night is a night that is planned and eagerly anticipated. We wouldn’t miss for the world.

What I know for sure is that home away from home and family away from family is what you make it.

Beck

I often joke with my ‘inner circle’ that I didn’t seem to get the sexy gene.  I’m talking about that innate womanly ability to be innocently flirty and elusive.

I have a friend who has been blissfully married for a decade, yet she still walks into a room and within 10 minutes every man is in love with her – it’s the sexy gene.   I, on the other hand, can walk into a room, and within 10 minutes be ‘just good friends’ with the man I have a crush on.  I’m not sure why, maybe it was growing up with brothers, perhaps it was my girlish naivety that thought you simply met someone you liked and fell in love, but I never seemed to learn how to play by the dating rules, and now I seem to be paying for it every time I meet someone I am interested in.

Generally, it seems that outright flirting is frowned upon.  But apparently all us singleys are playing a figurative game of Catch and Kiss.  I have been accused of being a terrible flirt, and yet, strangely, I don’t seem to have a string of beaus a mile long.  Could it be that flirting is largely in the eye of the beholder?  It’s a tricky business to manoeuvre, and quite frankly, I am still very vague about all the rules.

I have no trouble becoming friends with a man I am interested in, and I grew up truly believing (and still do) that this is the key to a lasting, fulfilling, wonderful relationship.  The thing I didn’t realise, is that to ‘close the deal’, there needs to be an element of the elusive sexy gene that gently says ‘I am interested in you’ without having to actually say or do anything.

This is unfathomable to a proactive, go-getter type woman!  I am never good at waiting to be asked out (if we have fun together, why wouldn’t I suggest we go out?).  I can’t seem to play by the Three Day Rule (why wait three days if I want to say ‘thanks for a great night’ right now?).  In every other area of my life, if I want to make something happen, I take steps to make it happen, immediately if not sooner!  It requires great concentration for me to not just lay all my cards on the table.  And inevitably, this ends up with me getting tense and giggling nervously instead of being myself.

I guess what I am really trying to say is that this dance we call dating can have some tricky steps, and we have all learned different variations.   Some are doing a slow waltz, some are doing a jive and some are spicing it up with a salsa.  I often feel like I am doing a Broadway comedy, and I can’t quite pick up any other routines.  The only thing that encourages me is that, while many people are born with a natural flair, perhaps it’s never too late to learn some new moves.

To those of you who are married, I would ask that you are kind to us singleys, and try to remember the angst you felt when you were wishing and hoping and thinking and praying he would call.

To those of you who were genetically blessed to receive the sexy gene, try to remember to use it for good and not evil, and understand that some of us may have a bit of trouble with the exact steps, but yes, we would like to dance.

And to those of you, who, like me, have two left feet on the dating dance floor, just relax and take heart.  Sooner or later, you will meet a partner who is willing to take the lead even though you don’t have it all together, and then, it will be like dancing on air …

Ruth

I have just moved to Vancouver, Canada, from Sydney, Australia, relocating my entire life basically just for a change. I was single, most of my friends were married, there were no dating prospects on the horizon and I had been in the same job for a decade. It seemed like a good time for a change.

Having been single for many years, I am pretty independent, so it hasn’t been too much of a stretch to get my life here ‘organised’ – a job, a car, an apartment, all in a matter of weeks. I miss my people so desperately, but thankfully, in this age of technology with Facebook and Skype, communication is so much easier. I haven’t felt particularly lonely or freaked out, it’s all been pretty smooth.

Things took an interesting twist last week when I injured my back. Nothing too dramatic, just a symptom of lifting heavy suitcases and IKEA bags, and more walking than usual in silly shoes. However, I am a real baby when it comes to back pain, and it completely wrote me off. I was basically in a haze of painkillers for a week, getting up to go to work, then heading home to crawl back into bed.

When I eventually did tell one of my girlfriends why I had been ‘offline’ all week, I got really teary and emotional, for no apparent reason – my back was much better, I wasn’t in a lot of pain. I realised that what I was actually emotional about was the fact that no one really needed to know where I had been. All of a sudden, I felt incredibly alone.

It got me thinking about the proverbial tree falling in the forest – if a single girl, who lives alone, hurts her back and no one knows, does it really matter?

But it’s good to be independent isn’t it? Isn’t that the ideal we are striving for?

It has become more and more clear, the older I get as a single woman, that there is a constant tension between being fabulous and independent, and a lone ranger who is a little bit eccentric and crazy. On the one hand, I actually don’t have the luxury of relying on my significant other, so I have had to become savvy to travelling alone, eating alone, watching films alone – and in most cases I am totally fine with it. It is empowering and quite indulgent to be able to do basically whatever I want. On the other hand, we are actually not created to be alone, and inevitably, without human contact, I can go a little bit crazy, get a little bit selfish and basically spin out. Becoming content with this lifestyle of solitude, mixed with some emotional self-preservation, means I can forget that life is so much better with your Great Love by your side.

It’s actually quite a balancing act, a bit like a tightrope. It’s a fine line to walk and if you lean too far either way it can end up in a big old mess! And to be really honest, while it can be exhilarating, it’s also terrifying. After all, life usually doesn’t come with a safety net.

So how do I balance? What is the pole I can carry that will stop me from swaying so much. How do I do this single life well, without becoming content in loneliness? I have wrestled with this question, and hoped for a simple answer, but sadly I think there is only the hard answer. I need to know myself, and concentrate on the tightrope I am walking. I have got to live an examined life, not just wandering aimlessly, but consciously, with precision, navigating my journey. I need to keep watching the platform I am heading towards, and keep moving forward.

The other crucial part of the circus act that is my life, is the people watching in the bleachers. I need encouragement to make sure I keep going when I feel like shimmying quietly back to the platform and not moving forward. I need the occasional cheer and applause. That’s why I need my friends and family, my most beloved people, who gave me the strength to climb up the ladder in the first place.

And one day, when I meet someone fantastic, and make it to the platform at the other end of the tightrope (and move on to my next circus act!), there will be an enormous sigh of relief that I managed to make it without falling, a sense of great accomplishment, and a joyful crowd watching on!

Ruth