Image by Her Library Adventures

Okay, so yesterday I found a folded, yellowed letter inside one of my books. It was a list of parenting tips my mother had written for me when I became a mum 16 odd years ago. I’m so glad I found it and even happier that I took heed of many of them. Yes, my mum is ‘old school’ and some of these tips will seem a little archaic for many readers, but take what you wish from this list and discard the rest…

1. Tell them at least once a day how much they are loved.
2. Talk about God daily…look at scenery, sunsets, etc thanking God.
3. Encourage a grateful heart.
4. Refrain from criticism.
5. Listen to them.
6. Read to them as much as possible. Lead by example…switch off the TV and read.
7. Praise good behaviour.
8. Instil confidence in them by assuring them they can do it.
9. Teach them it’s okay to say no.
10. Remind them they don’t have to have everything advertised on TV.
11. Encourage them to be an individual.
12. Everybody may be doing it…they are not ‘everybody’.
13. Take pride in their appearance…present them well.
14. Eat together at the table thereby encouraging communication.
15. Forbid labelling others…e.g. stupid, fat, etc.
16. Punish labelling by loss of privileges.
17. Allow them to build cubby houses inside no matter the mess.
18. Discourage ‘sheep’ mentality…have an opinion.
19. Encourage creative play.
20. Treat them with respect.
21. Value their health and feed them homemade nourishing meals.
22. Write letters to them…post them to the house, place them on their pillows, etc.
23. Encourage independence from an early age by allowing them to dress themselves and giving them chores.
24. Tell them how they came to be…they love stories about themselves.
25. Lay on the bed at night with them and just let them talk.
26. Allow them to help!!! (Mum used the exclamation marks here…I’m simply relaying…)
27. Saturday mornings, let them all pile into your bed.
28. Give them breakfast in bed as a treat.
29. Distinguish between childish irresponsibility and sheer naughtiness.
30. Set boundaries and keep them…they need it.
31. Separate the act from the child…e.g. “That was a silly thing you did” rather than “you are silly”.
32. Don’t argue in front of them.
33. Show affection to your spouse in front of them…this increases their security.
34. Spend time with them…walks, bike rides, playing hide ‘n’ seek, throw a ball, etc.
35. Teach them to look you in the eye when they are talking.
36. Try to spend independent time with each child.
37. Teach your boys how to treat a woman.
38. Teach them the importance of good manners.
39. Teach them compassion and to care for others.
40. Don’t take sides in an argument with children…unless necessary.
41. Love them, love them, love them!

How many times have those of you, who have their mums present in their worlds, called up or dropped around to ask 101 questions of how to fix something, cook something or make something?

For me, living in a different city, the phone calls are often. They could range from how to make that particular gravy she masters every single time without much thought to those ‘Help! My teenager’s being a teenager’ SOS calls.

It amazes me how my mum is still my ‘go to’ person, no matter how menial the question. I guess the level eases off the older you become, yet even in my 30’s I still seek advice from her. She raised us to be independent free thinkers armed with strong tools to navigate our way through the labyrinth of life, but for me, mum has become my ultimate sounding board for many of my decisions.

Raising a daughter myself, I have taken this into account as the questions keep rolling my way and are becoming more complex. How much have I already trained her? Am I equipping her thoroughly enough or am I coddling her? Having an only child, it can be an easy trap…believe me.

So this year, I have steadily taught her to cook the basics, to navigate her way around the city, to work the washing machine, to decipher between plants and weeds when helping in the garden (more to curb my frustration rather than help her gain gardening skills!), to decorate and create atmosphere, how to dye her hair without dying the entire bathroom, to manage her finances, to compose her first resume and apply for a job, to host her friends well, etc…these things are the basics.

It’s the trickier questions and skills she’ll need answers for that are in our conversations now…drugs, sex, alcohol, parties, how to conduct herself around the opposite sex (going to an all girls school makes this a little foreign), how much make up is too much at 16!, to use the internet with wisdom, etc.

It’s these questions that beg the ultimate question. Do I know who I am and do I know what I know well? Am I confident in what I am teaching her? Are my facts correct? Am I forgetting too easily what it was like being her age? Am I clued in enough to know teenagehood is light worlds away from what it was in the 80’s?

As I continue this path witnessing my daughter’s self discovery and journey to independence, I am happy with the results to date. As everything I do today plays such a vital role in her tomorrow, I am happy to work hard at it and cement my responses with the back up of a quick phone call to my mum or a trusted friend. No mother is an island, so don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions of those who have walked this road ahead of you. Feedback from wise people in your world are like nuggets of gold.

That said, know who you are, believe what you believe and parent with confidence. Be prepared for that phone call 10 to 20 years from now, minutes before one of their first guest arrives for one of their first dinner parties, asking what on earth to do when the roast they cooked looks fabulous but it’s still frozen on the inside!

Good luck!

Michaela.

Happy Father’s Day!

Wherever this post finds you, whatever you end up doing, with whomever you end up celebrating this great day, do so with all your heart!

Know that there are eyes and ears, young and old, watching and listening to their favourite heroes! That’s you dads!

Give them your all, live in the moment, lay aside old wars, eat like a king, laugh like a kid and enjoy the blessings that have been so generously entrusted to you.

We salute you for the love, sweat and occassional tear that has paved the way for your charges to soar.

Thank you! Never stop.

Watch the video below and be blown away all over again remembering your importance in our lives.

Oh no. My first assignment for thefamilyroom, write an article about a book that inspired you.

I read this on my computer screen and turn to my husband, Andrew and say “they want me to write about an inspiration book.” I see the look of concern sweep across his face. “Think back”, he says, “think back to, like…..high school. You must have read something that inspired you.” “Yeah, I say, but I would have to re-read it to be able to write about it.”

“What was that?” I asked him. “Maddie just got you with a Nutri-grain bar.” “Oh well”, I say, wiping the strawberry jam off my face.

Then, I have a genius thought. I read kids books all the time! A lot of children’s books are inspirational! I am getting excited about this idea. I could write about that Robert Munch book, “Love you Forever,” it makes me cry every time I read it.

Thomas interrupts my thought. “Mom, time how long I can hoola-hoop.” “Wow, Thomas, 56 seconds!” Back to Robert Munch…sappy, yes, maybe not inspirational. Back to the drawing board. Goodnight Moon? No. Madeline in London? Not so much. Scrap that idea.

Oh! What about that book Eat, Pray, Love? I even own it! It is upstairs collecting dust on my “bookshelf”. I put bookshelf in quotations as this shelf now houses diaper rash cream, diapers, a card Thomas made me with a picture of a house with the word “car” proudly written above the house, 3 half full glasses of water and a sour ounce of milk at the bottom of a bottle.

Anyways, yes, Eat, Pray, Love. Perfect. Oprah was inspired! Oh…just had a better idea. Isn’t that book coming out as a movie? Maybe I could go to the movie and write about how inspired I was by Julia Roberts. No, no, Jill; that makes you a cheater.

What am I going to do? The last book I read cover to cover was “A Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy” when I was expecting our first. All that book inspired me to do was to take the epidural and pack my hospital bag early. Have I gotten so busy with the kids that all I read is recipe books and US Weekly once a month at the hairdresser?

Have I forgotten to take the ever important “me time” that people talk about? Maybe it’s during this time when I am pregnant with number 4 and busy with an active 1 year old, a spunky 3 year old and a chatty 5 year old that I do come second. I try to take time here and there for myself, but for now, I will continue to be inspired by my 3 little joys, and I promise I will read more when they leave home.

Jillian.

Thought of the week…

You know those moments when you just sense something’s not quite right?

My daughter loves to explore and ‘be one’ with nature, so often she roams the neighbourhood alone road testing various parks as the perfect spot to read or journal.

She’s almost 16, so the alarm bells in my head and heart are not as loud as they once were.

Although a couple of afternoons ago, something in my heart pounded in panic when she told me she was off to the park again.

Nothing had changed in her demeanor, she wasn’t meeting up with anyone, her reading content was the usual (pretty much anything that David Attenborough would have either written or approved of), she had her mobile phone on her and she would have only been a couple of streets away.

Yet something felt wrong. So I simply said no. My mum told me as a parent to not let cramping your child’s style get in the way of their safety…this was one of those moments.

Who knows what may or may not have happened, but I do know that I’m glad that both she and I decided to go with my gut feeling. She learned once again to listen to a silent prompting…to trust an instinct.

Michaela.

As a work at home mom, in the midst of summer vacation, I had been fretting about how I was going to get any work done and still spend quality time with my kids.

It’s hard enough to balance being a mother, wife, home business owner, and friend when the kids are in school. And although they have been enrolled in a couple of short camps, it really doesn’t not solve my problem of making sure the kids have a fun summer, work gets done, healthy meals are made and the house remains relatively clean.

Recently a couple things happened that made me realize that the most important thing in my family’s life right now is spending time together while the kids are young. It doesn’t last long.

The first thing that happened was that my baby girl turned six and it hit me just how fast childhood passes. Every moment we spend with our kids is precious, yet not all moments are created equal. An hour in front of the computer while the kids watch TV does not compare to an hour when you sit down and really get involved in a craft together. I want as many moments as possible this summer to be memorable and fun with my kids.

A few days before the holidays, I volunteered for a school trip with my son’s class. While walking through the woods collecting soil samples, I asked one of his friends if she had any summer plans. She said she would be in daycare the whole summer and was not looking forward to it. It made me sad to think of the time she won’t spend with her own mother and made me appreciate my own situation. It also made me realize that in order to spend the summer with my own kids I was going to have to make a few sacrifices.

So I racked my brain for creative ways to organize our summer and came up with a plan where I can actually get eight days out of my week instead of seven (technically). By simply waking up a few hours early every day, I can easily add an extra 7-14 hours to my week, without affecting my family. And to top it off, the extra hours would be mine…all mine!

(The key is to also eat well and drink lots of fresh water, because when you do…you have more energy, feel better, and need less sleep.)

So in honour of maximizing my guilt-free, hands-on, playtime with my children during these two months, I am going to continue waking up an hour and a half earlier than normal taking advantage of these quiet morning hours. And although I am known to enjoy my sleep, the sacrifice is worth the rewards.

And I am sure that when we look back at our photos in the future, the reduced sleep will not even be remembered.

Rebecca Ness

Above all else, I wish for my boys to grow up to be men of good character.

The reason I want this for them is because it is only people of good character who will ever have a positive influence on the communities in which they exist.

Harry J Grant, the famous American Editor and Social Commentator said:

“It takes a long time to educate a community and it can’t be done by spellbinders, moneybags, hypnotizers, magicians or Aladdin’s lamp. Character is what matters.”

I could not agree more. Harry hit the nail on the head.

It is only people’s characters that reflects the make up, nature and soul of any community.

And it is our responsibility as parents to make sure the community in this generation and the next is a place where all people are cared for – no matter what their circumstance.

If we as parents are teaching our children to be people of good character, this will be reflected in the community at large. This is obvious to see – in any country.

Communities with crime and violence built into their children become dangerous places to be. It flows out of the household and changes the entire DNA of a community.

This is why it is so important to me that my boys grow to be men of the highest character. The same way crime and violence can change the DNA of a community, so can love and kindness. And despite what the world often portrays, love and kindness are far more powerful than violence and hate.

Parents, it is up to us to teach our children to be people of good character. We cannot complain about the degradation or decline of the community in which we live without first assuring that our kids are people of the highest character and are inputting back into that community.

Teach them character in the home and get them active in the community – even from a young age. There are plenty of places in any given community where they can volunteer, from youth centres to soup kitchens, local churches and charity organisations.

Instilling the value of community in your child’s heart and mind as they grow can only have a positive impact in their chosen worlds. It is up to us as parents to work towards the goal of a strong and safe community.

Brendan.

As dads and husbands, we have been given a great responsibility. And it is not a responsibility that should be worn lightly. That responsibility is to be providers – but not just in the way that you may be thinking.

I asked a large group of men to tell me what it meant to be a provider. Overwhelmingly, the answer was along the lines of “having the ability to give my family food, clothing and shelter.”

But this is such a small part of what being a true provider is.

I remember as a child, playing cricket in the front yard with my brother. I loved playing with him. But the really special times were when dad came out and played with us. I never wanted those afternoons to end.

I recall that sinking feeling when mum used to call us in for dinner and put an end to our game with dad.

I have my own boys now and I have never seen that ear to ear smile when I put a plate of food in front of them or when they pull on a warm jumper in winter. The only time that I have the privilege of seeing that smile is when I take the time to have some fun with them.

Now, that is provision.

It is so easy as a dad to become so busy providing for our family that we forget to provide for our family.

When we give our children food, they have a full stomach. But when we spend time enjoying them, we give them pure joy.

A true provider does not limit himself or herself to fiscal provision. A true provider gives his or her family the thing that they crave the most – time and attention.

Dads, it is up to us to be active in the upbringing of our children. Despite how we are feeling, let’s resolve to never make a habit of saying to our kids “Dad is too busy to play” or “Dad is too tired to hang out”. To a child, that habit will crush their spirit.

Let’s resolve to be true providers to our families by giving them the thing they need the most – us.

Susan recently posted an article title Bedtime Routine in which she outlines the bedtime rituals maintained in their home. It is a beautiful read…click here to have a squiz.

We are currently focussing on celebrating the everyday amongst the fray of our busy lives…to find the silver lining.

For me, as a child, my favourite part of bedtime was by far being read to.

My father would religiously commit to reading me the same story over and over upon my request which was The Princess and The Pea. I even threw a pea or two under my mattress on a few occassions to test the fairytale’s theory waking with slight dissappointment. 

The poor man was most likely way too tired to do this each night, but I never noticed…only years later did I realise the effort put in once it was my turn to do the reading.

For a parent, this will not neccessarily seem like a celebration, yet to a child, it is the perfect way to wrap up their day and create a sense of security.

For our little charges, bedtime stories are part of their silver lining.

Michaela.

I was told long ago that we could pretty much count on a few sets of hands the big events in our lives. That being birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. They are mostly great, noteworthy and cause enough to celebrate with everyone in our world.

To get to these places however, is a culmination of the effort, focus and value placed on the everyday, the mundane and the usual.

Taking time to find the silver lining in the everyday is, for me, sometimes a challenge…especially as a working, single mother. Yet if I actually stop and glance around at my life, there is much to celebrate and be grateful for.

With a daughter who lives in a dream world much of the time and speaks the love language of time, I am constantly reminded to stop & listen, stop & giggle, stop & embrace and stop & celebrate the little things with her.

Here is a list to get you started on celebrating the everyday. They may seem juvenile, even silly, but injecting a little fun and frivolity into the small moments in a busy day can be just what you and your family need.

Strum a guitar
Light some candles
Break out the hula-hoop
Go for a drive or walk after dinner
Play hide and seek
Turn off the TV
Paint your nails
Get the camera out – capture some memories
Dance
Play loud music
Speak in an accent for the evening – we like to speak Jamie Oliver!
Tell jokes around the table
Buy some flowers
Wear red shoes
Eat from your best china
Have a slumber party in the lounge room
Grab a globe/open an atlas and dream out loud
Bake something
Have a bubble bath
Journal your gratitude
Write a love letter
Read a love letter
Play bingo
Light your fireplace
Phone an old friend
Put up fairy lights
Look through family albums
Read your favourite children’s book
Hug
Hand write a letter
Get dressed up for dinner
Colour code your bookshelf
Write in chalk paint on your windows
Drink from a silly straw
Wear stripy socks
Watch the sunrise
Watch the sunset

Enjoy!