Friends the Holiday Season is right infront of us and we all know what that means… Christmas parties, after work drinks, dropping in to multiple parties in one night partaking in a drink here, a drink there and then sadly, in some cases, back behind the wheel. Please watch this video, share it with your friends and your children who drive.  Over the holiday season {and any other time for that matter} make whatever necessary arrangements you need to so you DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE. Lives depend on ALL of us being responsible.

NOTE: THIS VIDEO IS VERY GRAPHIC SO PLEASE HEED THIS WARNING.

Click Here to watch the Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2mf8DtWWd8

This week on RealLife Radio we’re focusing our attention on HAPPINESS {feel free to jump on and listen to the shows on demand}.

A recent Harvard Study ‘Wandering Minds Make People Unhappy’ shares some interesting information on the level of our happiness. Over the years studies have shown that happiness can directly affect our health and our over all well-being. When surveyed a number of familyroom/reallife radio listeners shared that their levels of happiness are generally quite low and a lot was determined by their children.

Hmmmmmm….. Happiness doesn’t everyone want to be happy? Isn’t happiness something we should choose to have and a place we should try to live in? I mean what’s the alternative ~ unhappiness and to me that sounds pretty depressing. I choose happiness and I believe I see positive results from it. Whatever the case may be I’m not changing anytime soon and I would encourage those who are unhappy to take a ride on my happy train for awhile and see how you feel. Remember, you have to CHOOSE to get on the happy train. 1 foot infront of the other friends.

If you aren’t convinced yet check this out ~ 10 Reasons Why Happiness IS Important! Enjoy and see you on that train.

Susan

Reciprocity. Frequency. Proximity. And somewhat redundantly Geography.

Relationships depend on these factors.

Reciprocity

It has to be mutual. You have to like each other. Check.

Frequency

You have to have some frequency of interaction. Once a month (average time period between my phone calls to my parents), three times a day (average frequency of phone calls my wife makes to her mother, sister, brother). Check

Proximity

Distance, matters. If you live down the street. You are my neighbour. I see you. Drive by. Walk by. In my house. In your house. Check

Geography

Well if an ocean separates us, it’s either Titanic style cross the ocean, or its on a plane. If you live in N. America, you have the option of mega road-trips. Even Fed-Ex takes a bit longer if you live continents apart.

Relationships take place in the time-space continuum. As such, physical factors, and time factors are obvious.

So when is the last time you got handwritten snail mail. Chances are a parent licked a stamp.

We’ve got facebook, twitter, email, text, ping, skype, global satellite phones. Yes, it’s easier. But are we doing it? Keeping in touch. Pretending our friend in the South Pole, is down the street. With your webcam you show them the snowy Rocky mountains, with theirs they show you Bondi beach.

Snippets are easier. Sound bytes. Hello, how are you’s.  Face to face is almost there. But it’s virtual. Pixels. Analog phones seemed closer. Because, chances are, when you used them , they were closer.

In the mind’s eye, cyberreality didn’t erase the distance. And staying in touch has never been easier, but somehow, that stops us getting the D&Ms of face to face. Superficial. Shallow.

So you’ve creeped around Facebook and figured out the spousal and offspring of your long forgotten elementary school acquaintances. You (524) compete with your wife (942 and counting) on FB friends. Kidding…..actually no…really….but given up.

Keeping in touch could be a full time gig. But the reality is. You call who you want to. You get on a plane, and travel and sit down and break bread with the people you really want to compensate for the geography, proximity, frequency bit of the equation.

Quality time, not quantity time.

Sitting on a beach at Club Med, when your kids are in the KidzClub for 12 hours, does not constitute a family vacation. You are having a vacation from each other.

So hey, let’s keep in touch. See you on Skype.

Philip

We all know that Bullying is the hot topic of today. It’s happening everywhere, in our schools on our playgrounds, on sports teams, among adults and, of course, the online faceless bullying. If you think it isn’t close to home then may I suggest you think again. Bullying is closer to you than you could imagine. Bullying is mean, it’s painful and in some cases pushes the bullied to the extent of death.

Recently our hearts have been broken by the loss, to suicide, of a number of kids ages 9 ~ 21. These kids are taking their own lives because they feel they are in hopeless, helpless situations. The pain of words, both spoken and written, and or physical abuse, pushes them to a place of hopelessness where ending everything seems like the most painless of resolves.

Almost weekly, we are dealt another news story, informing us of yet another devastated family and community who are desperately trying to wrap their mind around a tragic story of senseless loss. This loss of life is often totally unexpected but driven by the brutal actions of another. Another who somehow skillfully pushes a beautiful creation, who is simple walking out his/her journey into a place of  hopelessness. Hopelessness is a sad and very scary place to be, and being pushed into this place is like being in a small, dark room, with the door shut, gasping for a breath of life, feeling very alone. It’s suffocating and stopping the fear and pain seems to be the only viable solution to this breathless valley of agony.

Parents we are all involved in this Bullying Crisis. How? Simply all of us are raising one of the following three representations of Bullying. There is: 1). The Bully, 2). The Bullied or 3). The Bystander. Since we are all involved and there are NO exceptions, it is our parental responsibility to take a good hard look at who and what we are raising. Someone, somewhere needs it to stop today because tomorrow might just be to late.

In this Bullying Crisis there are 5 words that all parents need to erase from our vocabulary. Those words are ‘My child would never do that’. I know that most of us are teaching our children what is right and we pray that they won’t do what’s wrong, however our children have the ability to choose and during the ‘growing up’ process, they may choose wrong sometimes. Usually that’s okay and they learn from their wrong choices and mistakes and {hopefully} those choices don’t affect others. Unfortunately, when it comes to Bullying the wrong choices they make can and do affect others and sometimes, like we’ve seen recently, with grave results.

We need to start talking about the Bullying Crisis in our homes. We need to be brave parents and find out who we are raising. We all want to raise strong, confident children, but sadly the Bully is being raised. Some are raising the Bullied but statistically, most of us are raising the Bystander. You see, we all play a part in this Crisis.

I encourage you to open the door of conversation in your homes. Through these conversations our families, schools and communities will be safer. None of us should be walking around in fear because someone doesn’t like the way we look, talk, or live our lives. Let’s all play our part and make our world safer and save young lives. Together we can make a difference and declare with one voice that ‘It Does Get Better’!

I encourage you to listen to RealLife with Susan & Friends tomorrow. Our guest, Jesse Fidelack, will be sharing his journey of Faith/Homosexuality/Bullying/Jesus/School and more. You won’t want to miss this very HONEST conversation.

Susan

Image by Better The World

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It is also the month when the annual “Run for the Cure” takes place in an effort to raise money for the fight against breast cancer.

I am of course going to be a participant in this year’s event. I feel obligated to participate in the 5 km walk/run since being diagnosed with primary breast cancer last year for the second time in my young life. I feel I must do my part to try and stop this disease from destroying the lives of more wonderful, beautiful, precious individuals who did nothing to deserve their diagnosis.

Though I must admit I am beginning to feel somewhat unsure about my actual motive for running this year. At first I convinced myself that I was running to raise money for a cure. However the more I seem to think about my reasons for running, the more I question if this is truly just a fundraising effort or is there some deeply buried, underlying reason I have chosen to register as a participant.

Am I just throwing the majority of my spare time into raising money for a cause because it is so near and dear to my heart? As I began to dissect the motivation behind my decision to run, I began to see that not only was I running for a cure, but in doing so I was in fact running from cancer!

I am becoming very, very skilled at running from cancer. Having been the winner of my first race against cancer in 2001, I felt very confident that I had an advantage. I had become the master at pouring all of my extra time and energy into activities that allowed me turn my back on issues surrounding my own diagnosis, treatment and prognosis.

It was becoming seemingly clearer that I had been training for this “run” for the past 12 months, only I had never even laced up a pair of running shoes. The training I had been doing was all mental and much, much harder than the physical act of training for a marathon. I had spent the last 12 months running away from cancer! I trained like a tri-athlete, becoming much faster and stronger with every session.

I spent just under a year training my mind to run away from my reality and the possibilities that coincide with a cancer diagnosis. I was now becoming the best, my pace was remarkable, my stamina was outstanding and then I “hit the wall” so to speak. The reality of my entire experience with cancer finally caught up to me and was challenging me like never before. I began to realize that I could no longer hold this pace and leave my reality in the dust. It was something I knew had to be faced head-on or I would begin to fall to the back of the pack and risk losing the race of my life.

Each day I work towards facing my fears and dealing with issues head-on even if it means that I may not cross the finish-line in 1st place.

I know that people all around me are athletes, training for their own “races” as they journey through their lives. Each of us has our own race to run; some longer than others, some completely uphill, others along a more smooth and winding road, and some unfortunately will fall out of the race much earlier than anticipated after struggling for every small, hard-fought step.

Remember those who fought hard in the race; remember those who could not keep the pace.

Jennifer Davin Lindgren.

Image by Changents

The other day, my kids and I were watching a show on the Discovery Channel about trolling for crabs.

We watched as cages were hauled aboard almost empty…because there just aren’t as many left as there used to be. Still, as the fishermen piled what they did catch into a heap, my 6 year old daughter asked why they were doing that to the crabs. “So mean!” she thought. I explained that they would take the crabs to a supermarket so people could buy them.

The look on my daughters face was shock as she had a huge “Ah-ha” moment.
“So THAT’S where they come from!!!” she exclaimed with horror.

The two points that come from this story are:
A. Kids need to be taught the ‘big picture’ if they are going to help change it.
B. Our oceans are in trouble.

For the sake of this ‘go green’ article, I simply would like to talk a little about our water supply on this planet in general.

The state of the earth is directly linked to the state of our health as a population. As pollution and toxicity rise in our environment, so does sickness and disease…in direct proportion actually.

‘Going Green’ is more than avoiding chemicals in your shampoo, or cleaning with vinegar…although those things do help on a personal level. To me, going green has planetary and educational implications as well. Water is our planet’s greatest resource and our body’s greatest need. Both our bodies and the earth are made of over 70% water and it’s one area in which we can truly make a difference.

The fact that only 1% of the earth’s water is drinkable, and the rest of it is too salty or too polluted for us to use is worrisome.

Did you know that there are a couple ‘floating dumps’ of plastic bigger that the state of Texas floating in the middle of the Pacific ocean? It’s disgusting and much of it is plastic water bottles.

A large percentage of bottled water is just filtered tap water…except you get added plasticides in it for the price. The price, by the way, of bottle water is more than gasoline when you figure it out by the gallon. So in terms of our health and the planet, it doesn’t make any sense to use them.

In terms of our personal health, most of us are dehydrated, leaving our normally juicy, plum-like cells, prune-like and oxygen-deprived instead. If we don’t flush out toxins and keep our cells hydrated through water consumption, our long-term health will be jeopardized. By simply drinking enough (chemical free, mineralized, ph correct) water, we can stay healthy and vital longer.

Hydration affects everything in our bodies from detoxification and prevention of disease, to weight loss, energy, and mental health. I urge you to show your kids how tasty water can be and give them water instead of juice or soda next time they are thirsty. If you explain to them how good it is for their bodies and that they can alternate with juice next time, they will probably be okay with it.

In terms of the planet, our oceans are in trouble, not only because of but largely due to water bottle use. By simply eliminating plastic water bottles from our lives, we can make a huge impact on the future of our green earth.

But how do you get clean water without buying it? There are a few ways….

The first and best way is to find a natural spring or artesian well near you. They are usually tested regularly and come from far enough down that they are pure, full of minerals and at a healthy pH level. Check http://www.findaspring.com/ to locate the one nearest you. You’ll be surprised how many there are!

The next best option is to get a good filter in your house and use stainless steel or glass bottles when you go out. Look for a system that removes contaminants but keeps the minerals, and leaves your water with a pH between 6.5 and 8.5.

Asking around, I find that many people use reverse osmosis. There are pros and cons to that. Reverse Osmosis takes most contaminants out of your water but it also removes minerals and brings down the ph level. If you use an r.o. system, be sure you add a remineralizer to it to that your water contains the beneficial nutrient it naturally should.

Water from the tap is usually acidic. If you find that your water is on the acidic side (pH lower than 6.5) you may want to use an ionizer to bring up the pH level. The optimal drinking water pH is between 6.5 and 8.5…on the slightly alkaline side of neutral. Ionizers are a little costly but they last forever and make a huge difference in the taste and quality of your water.

There are many other types water systems and I don’t want to go into the details of them all. The main thing to remember is that whatever system you choose, remember you are doing good not only for you body by drinking more water, but making a difference in our beautiful planet’s future.

Cheers!

Rebecca.

Have you heard of the recent conversation surrounding Facebook? Are you confused and unsure of how this could or actually does affect you and your family directly? Well, you should be. The reason is because your information can now be shared with other websites very easily. It actually goes a little further than that, it can also be shared through your friends’ connections with you.

So, in an effort to keep our families and our information safe, there are a few NECESSARY steps you need to take. Below are our familyroom suggestions and then following are the STEP BY STEP, very clear instructions on how to go into your Facebook settings and secure yourself and your family. Thanks to Pam {an amazing and very ‘techy’ familyroom girl and regular RealLife Radio listener} we have this information. She walked me through these very easy steps today and for that I am grateful. I secured my account and then jumped onto my hubby’s and did the same on his. Thanks Pam!

familyroom Facebook Tips:

Don’t post too much personal information {ie: information about your coming and going, travel plans, kids’ schedules, date night information – when kids might be at home alone}

Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want your mother or grandmother to read – this is important and something we should be teaching our kids {especially our teens}. Why? Because whatever you put online is there FOREVER and future employers, partners, etc., may stumble upon one of your updates that you may regret.

Never fight via status updates

Keep it clean – always

10 VERY SIMPLE Steps to Secure Your Facebook Information

1. Go to ACCOUNT {Upper Right Hand Corner}
2. Click on PRIVACY SETTINGS
3. Click on APPLICATIONS and WEBSITES
4. Click on INSTANT PERSONALIZATION PRIVATE PROGRAM
5. Click on EDIT SETTINGS
6. UNCLICK ALLOW SELECT PARTNERS TO INSTANTLY PERSONALIZE FEATURES
7. Click on APPLICATIONS and WEBSITES to go back and continue the process. The next step is IMPORTANT!
8. Go to ‘What Your Friends Can Say About You’ and click on EDIT SETTINGS {This is **IMPORTANT**}
9. UNCLICK EVERYTHING!!!!!
10. Well done. You’re now secure. Now go and do it for other Facebook accounts in your house.

Life in 2010 looks very different to only 30 years ago.

Fundamentally, the teenage life is the same with puberty and peer pressures leading the way, yet as listed below by our new writer Amy Sheaves, access, awareness and acceptance of issues facing our teens is entirely different.

The purpose of this report is not to act as a scaremonger, but to bring about awareness of the harsh reality that is the 2010 teen world. Thank heavens this is not every teenager’s world, but I guarantee every teenager you know will know someone who is caught up in or confronted with one of the issues listed below.

I encourage you read through this carefully if you have teens in your world and take steps to steer them through the labyrinth of this crucial decade. After all, it is supposed to be ‘the time of their lives’…let’s as parents, as aunties, as uncles, as grandparents, as godparents and as friends help them navigate well. It has been said, that it takes a village to raise a child…for me that has been true and my child is still being raised. Asking the hard questions and gathering wisdom, advice and up to date information has been imperative. As a mother of a 15 year old I know that they are looking to us, whether they are willing to admit it or not, for boundaries, guidelines and a moral compass.

Michaela.

After reading through what seemed like hundreds of articles on this subject, I am confident to suggest the re-emergence of the nuclear family (which, by the way of course comes with its own challenges) would reduce the problems facing our teens exponentially. Essentially, core pressures teens were facing 3 decades ago compared to today are unchanged. For the purpose of this report, let’s call them the BIG4.

They are:
1. Sex
2. Alcohol
3. Cigarettes
4. Drugs

The major shift in the last 3 decades has been in the presentation, access and motivation for use.

PRESENTATION… While drugs such as marijuana, cocaine & ecstasy once reigned supreme as the most popular, recreational drugs used amongst teenagers, a phenomena in the late 90’s emerged as ‘Pharm Parties’. As the name suggests these are parties/get togethers, where prescribed drugs are exchanged and ingested in order for intoxication. Alcohol is no longer only used for personal intoxication, but drinks can be ‘roofied’ (aka date rape drug) in order to drug another person (un-aware) for the purpose of assault. Victims often wake up disorientated and unable to recall certain events that took place while under the influence of the drug.

ACCESS… We are far more technologically advanced than we were 30 years ago. Internet, cell phones, and worldwide information at our fingertips have made it easier for the BIG4 to enter your teenager’s world. It is on a much larger scale than 30 years ago because the use of technology means we get it faster. A teenage boy, curious about porn, no longer has to work up the courage to walk the aisles of his local paper shop. At the touch of a keyboard, he can access unlimited pornographic images in his home, more often alone in his bedroom. This is not limited to boys alone. Our teens have come of such an age where decision making is now only a one-step thought process: ‘Do I want it? Yes. Then…have it’. While porn is just one example, the list is endless and access to the BIG4 is more attainable with procurement becoming easier, faster and anonymous.

PURPOSE… Traditionally, the experimentation of the BIG4 was due to the statutes of peer pressure amongst teens. It would be naive to suggest there were less happy teenagers yesterday than today. What you can presume though is, a lot of unhappy, insecure teens as the result of family dysfunction and the unnecessary pressure it places on the children and teens of those families. I can’t clearly state this is the result of the nuclear family gone bust, but rather, a by-product of how the average family is built to think and act these days. Priorities have shifted incredibly and even if you echo what was once the nuclear family without a doubt the role of the mother and father has changed unrecognisably. Logic can only assume a full time working parent or indeed 2 full time working parents (albeit working to make ends meet – which by the way is a relative term) place ‘parenting’ on the ever increasing to do list, as opposed to the mother whose full time function is to run the family and the house. No person wants to feel second best, least of all in a parent/child relationship. Add to that the complexities and insecurities that form during the teenage years and you are headed for disaster.

Amy.

Other issues facing teens today:
Financial worries – aware of the financial pressures on parents.
Sexting – hi-tech mobile phones used to send pornographic material.
Social networking sites – another arena for bullying.
Suicide – media focus is a constant reminder of this option.
Over scheduling – extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, etc.
Eating Disorders – a distorted view of or dissatisfaction with himself or herself.
Violence – many influences including films and games.
Media – a constant bombardment of what they should be, do and look like.
Sleep Deprivation – according to recent study, teens need as much sleep as a toddler.
Cutting – a popular choice amongst teenage girls.
Sexually transmitted diseases – precautions are not always taken and conditions untreated.
Depression – prevalent today.
Abortion – social stigma is no longer.
Obesity – uneducated food choices, eating habits and/or lack of exercise.
Teen Pregnancy – the median age for teen pregnancy in the UK is 14.

These issues listed could all be articles in themselves. We will be writing about each topic in the near future. Until then, many of these will be discussed on upcoming episodes on RealLife Radio with Susan and Friends. I encourage you log on, listen in, join the chat room and have your say. Everyone has a story and everyone’s views differ. We would love to hear from you as we endeavour to pour light on important issues facing our treasured teens.

Michaela.

After watching Oprah yesterday both Tanya (familyroom girl and co-host of our RealLife Radio Show) and I decided that we NEEDED to stand up, use the platform we have and have this uncomfortable conversation. Yesterday Oprah sat and talked to 4 Convicted Child Molesters. It was unbelievable and I encourage you to jump on her site and have a watch. Allow yourself to be moved and disturbed.

I thought I would share one of my favorite songs with you. As I watched Oprah, this song resonated in my mind. MOVE ME AND DISTURB ME, INTERRUPT MY PEACE. Friends, we need to stand up, we need to engage with our children and our families and we need to build confidence in their lives, put tools in their hands.

Susan