Through eyes of Grace.

I have always endeavoured to teach my daughter to be comfortable in her own skin. To like what she likes; to speak what’s on her mind; to value what she sees in the mirror; to be open to differing perspectives, but not to be ruled by them.

Another quote we often throw around is: “It’s not always about you,” particularly when someone’s feathers are ruffled.

It was not until a recent conversation with her that I saw she had truly taken these points on board.

As many of you know, I have travelled the parenting road alone since I was five weeks pregnant. I don’t need to go into detail as to why, but her father was not in the picture very often until a few years ago. My daughter is 16 this year.

After months of reconciliation, great ‘catch-up’ conversations and hope for new direction in our little family unit, the rug was pulled out from under her when the tables turned unexpectedly. Her father’s time and attention were required elsewhere.

Again, the details won’t benefit you, but know that both Mannie and I had a choice. Bitterness, disillusionment, hurt, disappointment, anger, feelings of worthlessness and the rest could have stayed a little longer than invited.

As a mum, my instinct to protect my daughter stirred up emotions and reactions I didn’t know I possessed. As a girl whose world had just tilted more than she’d expected, Mannie’s response was textbook apart from one thing … she instinctively knew that someone’s feathers were ruffled BIG TIME and it wasn’t about her.

She had every right to be angry, yet needed my permission to voice it.  One particular evening when she could not articulate what her young heart was feeling, she needed to know it was okay to be angry and acknowledge what was not right or acceptable behaviour. She also needed to know that it was not okay to stay angry and forgiveness was the only way to move forward.

After many conversations with her, she had come to the conclusion that while the entire situation looked and felt completely unfair, and had left her heart bruised, she CHOSE to see with eyes of grace … it wasn’t about her. She knew her value, a hard situation wasn’t going to strip her of that. Through tears, she still knew what was behind the eyes she saw in the mirror.

That night, my daughter’s courage challenged me once again to see with eyes of grace, yet stand up for the girl in the mirror.

Michaela

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