I often joke with my ‘inner circle’ that I didn’t seem to get the sexy gene. I’m talking about that innate womanly ability to be innocently flirty and elusive.
I have a friend who has been blissfully married for a decade, yet she still walks into a room and within 10 minutes every man is in love with her – it’s the sexy gene. I, on the other hand, can walk into a room, and within 10 minutes be ‘just good friends’ with the man I have a crush on. I’m not sure why, maybe it was growing up with brothers, perhaps it was my girlish naivety that thought you simply met someone you liked and fell in love, but I never seemed to learn how to play by the dating rules, and now I seem to be paying for it every time I meet someone I am interested in.
Generally, it seems that outright flirting is frowned upon. But apparently all us singleys are playing a figurative game of Catch and Kiss. I have been accused of being a terrible flirt, and yet, strangely, I don’t seem to have a string of beaus a mile long. Could it be that flirting is largely in the eye of the beholder? It’s a tricky business to manoeuvre, and quite frankly, I am still very vague about all the rules.
I have no trouble becoming friends with a man I am interested in, and I grew up truly believing (and still do) that this is the key to a lasting, fulfilling, wonderful relationship. The thing I didn’t realise, is that to ‘close the deal’, there needs to be an element of the elusive sexy gene that gently says ‘I am interested in you’ without having to actually say or do anything.
This is unfathomable to a proactive, go-getter type woman! I am never good at waiting to be asked out (if we have fun together, why wouldn’t I suggest we go out?). I can’t seem to play by the Three Day Rule (why wait three days if I want to say ‘thanks for a great night’ right now?). In every other area of my life, if I want to make something happen, I take steps to make it happen, immediately if not sooner! It requires great concentration for me to not just lay all my cards on the table. And inevitably, this ends up with me getting tense and giggling nervously instead of being myself.
I guess what I am really trying to say is that this dance we call dating can have some tricky steps, and we have all learned different variations. Some are doing a slow waltz, some are doing a jive and some are spicing it up with a salsa. I often feel like I am doing a Broadway comedy, and I can’t quite pick up any other routines. The only thing that encourages me is that, while many people are born with a natural flair, perhaps it’s never too late to learn some new moves.
To those of you who are married, I would ask that you are kind to us singleys, and try to remember the angst you felt when you were wishing and hoping and thinking and praying he would call.
To those of you who were genetically blessed to receive the sexy gene, try to remember to use it for good and not evil, and understand that some of us may have a bit of trouble with the exact steps, but yes, we would like to dance.
And to those of you, who, like me, have two left feet on the dating dance floor, just relax and take heart. Sooner or later, you will meet a partner who is willing to take the lead even though you don’t have it all together, and then, it will be like dancing on air …
Ruth
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Ruth, this is awesome. I love this article. Seriously, your honesty needs to be bottled. I have always that that ‘flirting’ lessons would be a good thing to teach. There definitely is an ‘art’ to it (I believe) and you either have it or you don’t.
Would love to hear what others think. I’m tweeting about this NOW!
Another great Ruth story. Wow do I understand the 2 left feet thing. Hoping I find someone with 2 right feet. If you see him, he’s mine.
You are smart, witty and at least able to express yourself! I have trouble becoming friends and usually just go into the flirt and then get stuck with a guy who is interested in me and then I don’t know what to do with him…I guess problems with dating come in all shapes and sizes!
Nice work on the article Ruth!
Hi Ruth…
Thanks so much for a great article! I am not good at too many things so I don’t feel bad saying that I think I am really good at flirting! And I think it’s because I don’t feel the pressure to limit my flirting to giggles (I can’t giggle…it’s more like a scary explosion laugh that always ends in a bit of a smokers’ cough) or hair tosses (short hair anyway). Good flirting (the kind you enjoy and can feel good about a few hours later…) for me, seems to flow out of that place that truly believes the room SHOULD shift when I walk in. I am not a model and I have thick thighs and a freakin’ zit the size of the whole of Tokyo…but I’ve got “lady magic” and so do you. Yours doesn’t look like mine and it should never have to. Maybe it’s about finding your own personal beat, rhythm, groove whatever the heck you want to call it! Anyway…thanks for the good writing!
Love your writing!
A few words which come to mind which may be food for thought.
Winsome,demure,wholesome,honest,dependable,reliable,need for completeness,good company,sense of humour, good cook,speech is silver silence is golden, good communication,understanding,to catch the right fish you need the right bait/lure patience,sometimes the hard to catch ones are far more appealing and tasty, commitment for life, not just the ‘icing on the cake’-it IS the cake – do you want to eat it?
flexibility, able to bend with the winds of change…can you imagine life WITHOUT him? Remember in the dance it’s a two way stream…who’s leading? hope springs eternal don’t give up.
You must log in to post a comment.