A Teen’s World

Teenagers … funny how we all thought the Two’s were the hardest years. Ha, what a joke. Twelve years past the Terrible Two’s and parents realise that the toddler years were, in fact, a breeze; a gentle walk in the park. The teen years, now this is the season you begin to understand the whole ‘reaping what you sow’ idea. The antics you got up to as a teenager and the havoc you wreaked on your parents floods your mind. Sadly, you find yourself repeating some of the most clichéd sayings your parents threw at you and you see your children trying to get away with things you did. Your heart races, your blood pressure increases and your desire to move to a desert island {and only return once they are in their 20s} increases to the point that you find yourself googling remote locations, dreaming of enclosures and safe havens.

The teen years are unavoidable and, as many wise parents who have gone before {usually our own parents}, assure us, ‘this too shall pass’. Through gentle conversation with our children’s grandparents/our parents, we are reminded of our teen years and what we put them through. We are encouraged to look at our own lives and told to keep perspective. To those solid grandparents and parents out there who walked through this season with us and loved us all the way … thank you. Thank you, once again, for proving to us that the grey hair is worth it, that the wrinkles mean something and that our fear and concern is warranted yet, in most cases, the end result will be positive.

The teen years are strange. It’s almost like one day you have this gorgeous young child who wants to be involved in everything the family does and the next the polar opposite. The bedroom door is closed, the music is on, a strange teen deafness has set in and the walls are up. The Grand Canyon itself pales in comparison to the distance between parent and teen. I wonder if today’s teens are different or if this has always been the way? Have technology and our island mentality changed things? Personally, I think so, not from experience but rather from what I see, hear and understand. Whatever the case may be and whatever competition we have in today’s world, there are a few things that I know to be true and which will bridge that gorge even if only for a moment in time. Sometimes a glimpse into a teen’s world is all you, as a parent, are given. It’s important to stay tuned and to take those opportunities – don’t miss them.

A personal example: The other night my eldest was packing for basketball camp. The door was shut, the music was on and she was in her own world. The rest of the house was quiet, it was late and I had stayed up to finish some work. I quietly made my way into her room and asked if I could help. Of course, the answer was, ‘no, I’m okay’. I was fine with that and just sat on her bed. Slowly, the conversation started and it began with minor ’stuff’. How she was organising her bag and how, whilst packing, she had decided to prepare her room for homework. Our conversation wasn’t deep at all. After a while, I lay on her bed and just listened to her music. We began to talk about the artist and his style. You see, my daughter loves her music and not just the tunes, but everything from the different sounds to the artists to their stories {the list goes on}. I chose to jump into her world and ask questions about that which interests her.

Before long, this lovely, well-versed girl sat on her bed sharing her knowledge of this particular artist. I was impressed and learned a lot. Soon enough, she too was lying on the bed and we listened and talked. The iPod skipped through her varied song list and the Michael Jackson hit Man in the Mirror came on. Whilst this song played, we remained lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling, and I told her about the lyrics of this song. It was my turn to share my knowledge with her. I told her of the importance of the man {or in her case, the girl} in the mirror and how this song spoke to many people my age. How it wasn’t just a song, it was more a mandate for living. As we spoke and she began asking questions, I slowly reached across the bed to hold her hand. We remained looking at the ceiling but talked of her life, what our hopes were, what we dreamed for her and I shared some of the most intimate thoughts her dad and I have for her. She listened and she spoke and shared her thoughts, her concerns and some of her fears.

Our conversation continued into the wee hours of the morning and ended with a hug and a thank you from both sides. We both commented on how we loved the conversation and the quiet richness of it.

Friends who are raising teenagers, or perhaps grandparents who have influence, can I encourage you to step into their world. If you feel you aren’t being heard by your teen then try letting them know that they are heard. Remember scheduling too … what works for us, in this season of life, is totally upside down to a teenager. A conversation over a bowl of cereal at 9am after being dragged out of bed isn’t going to work. They are night owls and I honestly believe if you cross over to their schedule and into their zone, that speaks volumes to them. Fill the Grand Canyon one pebble at a time and step into your teen’s world. Trust me, you will learn something and whether they say it or not, they will respect you for it.

Susan